Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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