Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
