Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
