Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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