Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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