It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
