I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
