Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize