Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
