Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
