Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
