I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
