I accidentally burped into my bong.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
