all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
