I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
