UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
