Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
