I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
