We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize