I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
