Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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