why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
