No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
