i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
