how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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