oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize