I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
