FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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