We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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