3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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