mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize