And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So many bounce houses so little time
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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