you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
