Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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