How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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