you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
