part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
