its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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