hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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