I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
