im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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