guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
