i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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