do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Everyone says I win the strip club
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
