Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
