JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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