Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I party with great urgency now.
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