Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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