I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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