I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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