My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize