dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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