Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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