You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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