Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
