So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
