Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
