I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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