If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
