On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
