just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
false alarm, still single
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