also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
