Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
