This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
