Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
