Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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