Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize