dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
