For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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