this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
