So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
