Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
