I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
