I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
