I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
