that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
