Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
