its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
