there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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