Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
