Well apparently he's into motor boating.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
