morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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