I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
