Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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