just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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