I wanna bring you to show and tell
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
