He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
