Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
