Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
