He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize