wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
