I cockslap morals
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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